This is a self-focus step.

We can’t address comparison without looking into envy! Oh yes, that green eyed monster. We’re going there.

Let’s start with a clarification in that envy is different from jealousy even though they seem to be used interchangeably. The latter crops up when we fear losing something that we have. Envy though is wanting something that someone else has. This could be a personality trait, a car, relationship, work accolade, wellness practice, you name it, envy can creep in.

What I see and relate to in my clients is not just the emotion of envy but the charge of the energy that seems to come with it. For me, it has always felt like an emotional ‘pot boiling over’.

For example,

I have cried with envy

I have bitten the inside of my mouth and made it bleed because of envy

I have had to leave the room because of envy

I have nearly thrown my phone across the room in envy (in the end I chucked it on the sofa but you get my drift!)

Maybe you can relate?

Envy can be such a challenge, as once it’s taken hold, it can quickly spiral out of control. This is why it’s so important for us to ‘arrest’ it as quickly as we can, to stop it in its tracks. The tension that envy creates is often the culprit of keeping us small, distracting us and ruining our closest relationships.

That is, perhaps we need its potency for fuel to get us moving towards what we want instead of being distracted by someone else’s achievement. Perhaps we need to juggle that hot potato and be in the discomfort for us to really receive the nudge it's giving us.

The golden thing about envy is that if you are honest about experiencing it you are ALWAYS about to gain a breakthrough for yourself.

Your envy-busting toolkit.

1. Bring to mind the ways that you are unique, capable and powerful. This will stop envy in its tracks and connect you deeply with yourself. This could be in the form of writing a list on your phone, jotting it down on paper, or speaking it out loud (you may want to be alone for this one!)

   TIP: Take the Hi5 Strength Finder Test here to get clear on what makes you unique, capable and powerful!

2. At the first sign of your trigger response, place your hand on your heart and ask yourself “what’s really going on here?”. Trust the first voice that answers, that’s your soul’s voice and your soul is never in competition with anyone else. 

3. Acknowledge where envy is showing up in your body. Your body is always giving you signs, clues and signals as to what is going on - so call them out.

To increase its potency, I like to call out and name the emotions, out loud, to help take the fear and heat out of the equation.

Envy is just part of our internal GPS, it’s a sure-fire way to identify a deeper clue or signal. If we re-frame it into something that works for us, we can dissolve and disperse the effect it has on us. 

An action tip I always love to share around online and social media envy is to boldly state ‘Good for you! And the same for me!“, while pointing at the cause of the envy spike. This has diffused many a potential meltdown for myself and my clients, stopping the spiral in its tracks. 

An exercise to stop envy in its tracks and discover the insight within the trigger:

The next time envy pays you a visit - and you may not have to wait too long - put these steps into action

Reflect and find the root.

We know that envy holds clues for us so look at the trigger in question and trace the root to your own needs and desires. 

For example, in the past, over the years my envy had traditionally spiked in Summer. I have been really triggered by seeing lots of amazing holiday pictures on social media and it’s made me realise my poor time planning tends to mean I often miss out on some good old R & R. As a self-employed person it’s down to me to make sure I dust off my passport every once in a while. My trigger is telling me my soul needs a wee rest!

 
Apply this to your own envy trigger - it could be your personal life, work situ, living area, professional accolade, media visibility, social media growth, parenting, creativity… which resonates most with you?

When you have your root insight, ask yourself what are the next small steps you can take towards your version of fulfilment in this area?
-How can you get more into the feeling of already having it?
-Where do you need support?
-What resources do you have already?
-If life was perfect in this area 6 months from now, what would be happening around you?
-What shifts have occurred?
-How are things different?

Using today as your starting point how can you close the gap and move meaningfully forwards to make that vision a reality?

Remember this is not a zero sum game.

The person you might envy getting what they want does not mean they took yours, there is one less or that yours has been cancelled. They are showing us it’s possible and happening in reality right now. Actually, we could do well to find even more examples of the achievement as that further reinforces that the desire or fulfillmen cue we are striving for are not sitting lonely in a dusty box but are out there and waiting for us to take them on.

Take out a pen and paper and observe how you feel now, writing down everything you experienced and anything else that wants to flow onto the paper. 

Our session with Clinical Psychologist, Dr Mayus

Why do we compare? Why is comparison normal? And how can we shape the judgements and beliefs we have about others?

Dr Mayus answers these big Q’s as well as sharing his 3 techniques to stop comparing yourself to others.

Learn more about Dr Mayus’s work here.

WORKSHEET

This worksheet is designed to be completed either in the heat of the moment, when envy and comparison strike. Or instead focus on a recent or repeating ‘envy episode’ and bring that through the process. (Please also take on the Dr Mayus masterclass above before completing).

[Please download a copy to edit. Tip! Save to a ‘CORE’ folder on your desktop/save to a CORE folder in your bookmarks]

SHARE

What are your reflections after working on your envy triggers?
Share with us over in the community using the ‘CORE • 10. Dealing With Envy’ topic tag! 

NEXT STEPS

Move onto our new module ‘Trust The Timing’