Have the moment
Finally for now, I’m building on what we covered in Module 10 here and please use this as an invitation to reinforce that learning and go deeper.
When the comparison strikes and, with that, the emotions that come with it, the temptation is to go down one of two routes:
Mindless rage, outrage and/or frustration at that particular person/ the trigger and the perceived unfairness of it all.
A moment of ‘oh no’ followed by a spiral into tender feelings of insecurity and then guilt at the judgement you’ve felt towards the other person/or trigger.
Either way, we are swept away in the moment and usually rudely interrupted by the world before we have had the chance to address what’s really going on. On top of this, missing the necessary step - and soul balm - of honouring ourselves in the moment, meaning we are doomed to repeat it.
We need to have the moment and address it directly.
This boils down to, ultimately, being accountable and taking responsibility, so we can truly move forward. This can bring up all sorts of resistance, but getting to the root means you can really and truly take charge and start running the show rather than being ambushed by triggers.
Try these prompts relating to your sensitivity around milestones:
Exercise:
List down all of the ways you are unique, capable and powerful – there is always something that will ground you in yourself.
Take a breath and ask yourself ‘what’s really going on here?’ …journal fully on your responses fully
The next step is to recognize that you are being triggered, as soon as it begins to appear in your body.
According to neuroscientist Antonio Damasio, in any moment, our body is giving us clues that can identify as feelings – so call these out.
For example, as soon as I notice my heart rate increasing, when I compare, I pause and pay attention:
“I am feeling jealous, a bit surprised, like I have been wronged, I feel small and like I’m running out of time, I feel… I feel… I feel…”
This stops another table-flipping episode because that energy has somewhere to go - it is expelled and expressed from my body.
Honesty with yourself can help so much to diffuse the comparison trigger moment and achieve personal clarity. If we don’t acknowledge and recognise what’s coming up we can’t attend to it and reap the benefits across our work, relationships and overall fulfilment.